


Cold Dead Heart

by StrawberryStitch



Category: Carry On Series - Rainbow Rowell
Genre: Cold Weather, F/M, First Kiss, Idiots in Love, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-09
Updated: 2019-06-29
Packaged: 2020-01-07 14:49:07
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 8,638
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18412841
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/StrawberryStitch/pseuds/StrawberryStitch
Summary: After a prank gone wrong, the school finds its halls flooded by pink water. Our boys end up waiting in the cold outside.The most plausible action to take here is to... hug to keep warm?Huddling like penguins obviously keeps the cold at bay, but it certainly doesn’t protect you from your feelings.Through trial and error, Simon and Baz will soon have to realize that the cold isn’t their enemy but more of a catalyst. The start to their unraveling.





	1. Baby, It's Cold Outside.

**Author's Note:**

> Hi. Uhm. This is my first fic. I hope you enjoy it! I might continue this, might not... Depends on how well it's received!
> 
> Without further ado, here are two cold idiots.

I feel Baz shift next to me. The edge of his bare arm, slightly brushing along my own arm. It’s as if I’ve just touched a live wire. I immediately, as naturally as I can make it seem, pull my arm back and across my chest in a sort of semi-hug. I breathe in deeply.

“It’s bloody cold out here! Those charlatans couldn’t have decided to burst the water pipes on a warmer day?” Baz asks rhetorically.

I scoff, glancing back at him. His breath puffing out in white clouds, almost matching his skin tone. Under this moonlight, he looks out of this world, it’s a blessing and a curse. He’s only wearing an undershirt and some fancy silk pyjama trousers, because of course, it’s Baz. His hair is cascading down, framing his face to rest on top of his shoulders in a sleek black wave. I sigh. It’s going to be a long night. 

“Want a picture Snow? It’ll last longer.” he says smuggly, topping it off with one of his signature smirk. 

“Oh shove off Baz.” I say through gritted teeth, feeling the blush settling upon my cheeks.

A couple of idiots had the brilliant idea of trying to spell the tap water purple, which resulted instead in a flood that took the entirety of Watford. There’s at least a meter of fluorescent pink water occupying the halls of the school as well as the dorms. They managed to summon a tsunami worthy amount of water yet failed to get the colour right. It’s kind of funny when you think about it. I snap out of my reverie when I notice Baz has started shivering besides me. I think I can hear his teeth chattering as well. He’s a vampire, isn’t he supposed to be cold-blooded or something?

“You doing fine there, mate?” I ask, trying to seem indifferent.

“I’m fine and dandy, it’s so kind of you to ask. Your concern is greatly appreciated. This is exactly what I needed to hear to warm my cold dead heart.” he retorts sarcastically, still visibly tormented by shivers.

“Ha! So you do admit that you’re a vampire! If I had known all I had to do to get a confession out of you was throw you outside in the cold practically naked, I would’ve done it sooner.” I say victoriously.

He seems taken aback for a moment.

“Crowley, Snow you’re an absolute moron. It’s an expression, have you ever heard of that word before?” he scoffs “I thought you couldn’t get any more dense, obviously I was mistaken.” he quips back. 

Oh.  
He is kind of right but I can’t let him know that so… I have to come up with the greatest comeback I’ve ever thought of. 

“Your face is dense.” I say instead. 

Great job, Simon. You fucking aced it there!

He doesn’t even bother to respond, just looks at me like I’m the biggest idiot around. I don’t blame him, that was weak and quite frankly, ridiculous. Strangely enough, as I hold his stare I see something else in his eyes rather than unshielded hatred. It almost looks like exasperation? No, more than that. Aleister Crowley, is that fondness? Before I can further entertain the thought, his teeth start chattering again.

To hell with it! 

I take a step closer to him and before he can complain about my proximity, I wrap my arms around his neck, pulling him in, my chest flush to his. I feel him stiffen. He place his hands on my chest, ready to push me off.  
He doesn’t.  
A warm feeling floods me. I try to ignore it and try to revel in the fact that he didn’t punch me. Well at least, not yet.

“What, what are you doing?” he says, discomfort in his tone. 

I ignore him for a moment, sliding my arms from around his neck slowly to around his middle. My hands clasping behind him. 

“Warming yo-us up.” I try to say casually. I hope to god he can’t feel the hammering of my heart. Merlin, what was I thinking?

“You do run hotter than a furnace. I guess it makes sense...” he says, seeming unsure. I can’t see his face but I can bet 5 sour cherry scones that he’s grimacing. I’m still surprised he stayed put. 

Tentatively, he wraps his arms around me and I take the opportunity to bury my face in the crook of his neck. Trying not to inhale too deeply, albeit I still catch a whiff of cedar and bergamot. Oh god, I’m swooning. This was such a bad idea. The beat of my heart is so rapid, I’m afraid it’ll soon run away from me. 

Beyond our embrace, the atmosphere is quiet, the woods don’t seem to be bustling with the life that usually scurries around. The sound of cicadas off in the distance and our soft breathing are all to be heard.  
To my astonishment, I feel his hold on me tighten, his fingers (most likely) unconsciously tracing patterns on the bare skin of my arms. It feels like he’s mapping me out. That’s probably not it. Curse my lovesick brain. I sigh escapes my lips as we both further relax into the hug.  
This feels… almost romantic. Definitely not what two sworn enemies are supposed to be doing on a cold december night like this. Snow starts falling from the sky above us. I feel its cold presence pressing light frozen kisses where my skin is exposed. I lift my head up to watch it fall, at the same time as he does. Both our heads, facing up. We stay like this for a little while, quietly admiring the blanket of white falling around us. It’s soothing, no matter how strange it is. I never thought I was ever going to do something quite as, dare I say, intimate with Baz. Basilton, that frustratingly fit bastard. Feeling bold, I let my head fall back, pressing a bit away from him, in order to look at his features. He does the same. My breath catches in my throat. 

I want to kiss him. 

My eyes fall to his lips. His lips where his tongue is currently running along. I-

“Simo-” he’s abruptly cut off by the sound of the mage’s voice, echoing from the speakers. 

We quickly jump apart.

“The situation has been resolved, you may all head back to your rooms.”


	2. Unabashedly and Truly, Warm

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Welp, why not here’s chapter two!

As soon as the door to our room shuts behind us, Baz turns around to face me, backing me up into the door. He places his hand next to my head. I hold my breath. The dorm is only slightly illuminated by the full moon outside. His silver eyes seem to bask in it, glinting with intensity. There’s an edge to them and something tells me I’m not going to like what I hear next. 

“Snow.” he says briskly. His features are sharp, I’m scared that if I look any longer I’ll cut myself on them. Still, I hold his gaze.

“Yes?” I say and it comes out as a whisper. 

“What happened outside, stays outside.”  
He scowls, as if just the memory of it is painful to him.

“Right of course, it’s not like anything happened anyway. We were cold that’s all.” I finally look away, nervously fumbling with the hem of my shirt. 

He nods, and heads towards his bed, slipping under the covers.

“Goodnight, Baz.” I say, as I bury myself as well under my own sheets.

What a mess… I don’t particularly regret the embrace. I swear I felt something bloom between us. He didn’t even give up a fight when I first wrapped myself around him. I think that means something right? 

Or maybe he truly was just so cold that he decided he needed to use his last resort which in this case was, leech off the warmth of my ever-constant overheating body. 

Either way, it doesn’t matter because I burn too brightly for him and he’s flammable. Plus, with the threat of the humdrum constantly looming over our heads and the feud between the mage and the Old Families I can only see this, whatever this is, heading straight into a disaster.

Even with all this anxiety plaguing me, I still end up falling asleep on the account of sheer exhaustion. 

***

When I wake up he’s already gone. It’s Saturday morning so I assume he must’ve gone off to the library. The nerd.  
I could go back to my old habits and stalk him the whole weekend but I’m past that. I had a lot of time to do some introspection this summer and well, I realized that I was unabashedly in love with my roommate. You can imagine that the rest is history. 

I trudge along on my way to the cafeteria where a delectable aroma has started pulling me in, as it does every morning.  
Penny is already seated when I enter, she waves at me. I flash her a grin and take my place in front of her.

“Good morning, Simon.” she says whilst pushing a plate of sour cherry scones towards me.

Merlin, what would I do without her? I start salivating as I reach for one. She quickly brushes my hand away casting Some Like It Hot on them. Ah of course. Dim of me to forget the most important part.

“So, that was a mess yesterday wasn’t it? Do you know who’s done it?” I question her.

She sighs. 

“Yeah, it’s Trixie and her girlfriend. According to them, the colour purple is supposed to help you connect with your higher self. They thought if they bathed in purple water they would be able to lucid dream at will. They got pink instead. It fits them. The colour of love. They are nauseatingly cute together.”

“Wait what, but that doesn’t make any sense it’s just a colour??” I answer, baffled 

“It’s called colour therapy, Simon.” she says like it’s the most obvious thing.

“Huh, that’s odd. Also, isn’t there a spell specifically for lucid dreaming?”

“Try telling them that.” she sighs again, she looks tired. Well, probably as tired as I look. We both had to deal with a complicated roommate situation. 

I’m about to respond when Agatha sits next to Penny, startling me. I avoid looking straight at her feeling a wave of awkwardness overcoming me. It hasn’t been the same between us ever since our breakup. That’s granted though, but I do miss our friendship. I look at Penny and see her staring at Agatha, an amused smile gracing her lips. My gaze follows what she’s looking at and that’s when I notice Agatha’s hair. It’s bloody pink! I feel my lips stretch into a toothy smile. 

Agatha stares at us both and —  
“Not a word.” she says, her gaze is full of defiance, daring us to cross her.

I cover my mouth with my hand stifling my laughter from pouring out. Penny and I share a look before both bursting out into an uncontrollable fit of giggles. She glares at us but all that does is make her look like an angry ball of cotton candy. 

“I was in the shower when it happened okay!?” she crosses her arms defensively “It’s not even that funny you guys!”

“You gotta admit, it is kind of amusing, Agatha.” Penny says to her once she’s finally composed herself. 

“Yeah, plus you’re known for your beautiful mane as well.” I add teasingly.

She scoffs, aggressively picking at the blueberry muffin in front of her. 

**Baz**

I enter the cafeteria, head held straight, my posture impeccable as per usual. My minions are trailing along behind me. 

“Snow is staring at you.” Dev says.

“Let him.” I say as I take a seat.  
Let that numskull with those beautiful blue eyes stare at me all he wants. I’m not going to give him the satisfaction of our usual stare-offs. Last night was… awfully embarrassing. I should’ve pushed him away the moment he wrapped those stupidly toned and tan arms around my neck. But Crowley, my mind was foggy from the smoky scent he emanated. He always smells like ash, as if he’ll catch fire any moment. I’m enthralled by it. Like the Pitch that I am, fire is my muse and I want to be burned by his flames. My cold heart will surely beat warmer with his fire in my veins. 

As much as I hate to admit it, I am unabashedly in love with the idiot.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Tell me in the comments how much you liked it (or hated it) :)


	3. All You Need is Warmth and a Little Bit of Sweetness

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Once again our boys are soft and they get a bit touchy-feely. There’s also hot chocolate and a Christmas fair, basically everything someone could ask for.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this took so long. Believe or not this chapter is by far the longest of all chapters. In addition, I’ve been working back and forth between all of the remaining chapters. I’m truly sorry for the wait. 
> 
> Enjoy!

**Baz**

Our last class before the Christmas break is inevitably boring. I look around and unsurprisingly, there’s at least a dozen students sleeping on their desks. I’m not one to doze off but in this moment, I’m seriously considering it. The ones who aren’t snoozing away are either daydreaming or fidgeting in their seats, their excitement palpable in the space around them. I try discreetly searching for Snow just to sneak a glance at him. I have a feeling he’s already staring right at me, he hasn’t stopped ever since yesterday night. One moment of vulnerability and now I’m stuck, subjected to his ocean blue eyes following my every move. I already thought fifth year was bad. This is definitely ten times worse. He gets under my skin, sends waves of emotions coursing through me. It’s awful.

My eyes finally find him, I was right, as per usual, the git is staring me down. Eyes ablaze, the colour of them turned dark blue like a tormented ocean. I let a smirk play on my features. He blushes. Huh. Emboldened by the pink dusting his cheeks I send him a wink. With the pink now a deep red he sheepishly turns away. I probably shouldn’t have done that but Merlin, what would I do to see that pretty colour painting his cheekbones once again.   
He’s probably flustered since I caught him off guard anyways, so this occurrence definitely won’t happen again anytime soon.

It almost hurts how much I want him. I don’t delusion myself, I know he must never know. I can’t ever tell him how I feel. We’re at opposite sides of a war. It’s either I die at his hands, that sword of his through my chest soothing the burns I’ve held for him throughout all these years or he dies by my faults. I can imagine my monstrous self sinking my fangs deep into his neck, severing the jugular. His last breaths caressing my face and that’s where I would let myself tell him those three simple words that have plagued me. 

“I love you.” 

His eyes would probably widen and then he’d expire. I would as well, because who am I without the chosen one? A villain without a hero is nothing. A fool without his muse is broken. 

Ultimately, it’s probably best if I were the one to succumb to the cumbersome hands of death. He’d live on, rejoicing over my death with a golden girl by his side. The war would be over and he’d forget me, probably laugh about me whilst reminiscing the nuisance who kept plotting against him during his teen years.

I snap out of my self-wallowing with the sound of the professor announcing the end of the class.

“Before I let you go, I have to give you all an assignment to complete during the break.” he says, loud voice annoyingly cheerful.

Everyone groans.

“You will have to watch a movie made by Normals that show their portrayal of mages. Once the break is over, we will go over what you have found and try to make links between the different movies.”   
He claps his hands.  
“On a lighter note, tonight is the annual Christmas Watford Fair! There will be sweets and rides, don’t forget to dress warm. Snow has been forecasted. Now go on! Shoo and enjoy your holidays!”

The class rushes out in an instant and I’m left trailing along behind the horde of students excitedly chattering about their holiday plans. This year I’m staying at Watford. I didn’t exactly feel like brooding for the next two weeks among those dark hallways of that cold mansion that I call my home during the summer. A whole season is enough, I don’t need any more reminders of how shite of a heir I am. How much of a disappointment I am. 

Usually, Snow leaves with Wellbelove. I’m definitely looking forward to two whole weeks of having the room to myself. That way, I can finally get up to date with my required amount of self-pitying for the year. Sigh.  
I’m such a cliché. 

*******

**Simon**

“Are you going?” I ask Baz the moment he enters our shared room.

“Am I going where?” he says, one eyebrow raised high.

“To the fair?” 

“Yes, but certainly not with you.” he answer back and slams the bathroom door behind him. 

Urgh. What a prick.

I’m supposed to go to the fair with Penny and Agatha since I won’t be seeing them for the next two weeks. We decided to spend our last night together in a fun and exciting way. This year, I’m not leaving with Agatha it would be awkward, break up and all… Instead, I’m staying here all alone and I’m definitely looking forward to it. I need some time away from Baz. I can’t stand seeing his handsome face everywhere I go. He’s so close yet so far. If I don’t distance myself next thing I know I’ll end up declaring my undying love for his undead-self. I wish I could’ve properly fallen for Agatha it would’ve made my life so much easier. It also would’ve made more sense. I guess the heart wants what it wants even though it sucks most of the times.

I lie back down on my bed, staring up at the ceiling while the sound of the shower fills in the silence. I know once he opens that door I’ll be stuck with that posh scent he leaves in his wake everywhere he goes. I let my mind wander to what things could’ve been like if we had been friends instead. Maybe, he would’ve let me used his fancy bergamot and cedar scented products. Maybe, just maybe, we would’ve become something more. At night, I’d settle in my bed sated with the joy of requited love instead of being plagued by the usual suspicion that comes with rooming with a vampire who hates your guts. All those sleepless nights I spent fretting would’ve been calming and actually filled with slumber. So many things could’ve transpired if we hadn’t been forced into carrying on the feud the old families and the mage are currently in. 

Coming here, I just wanted a roommate and most importantly, a friend. 

I hear the running water come to a stop. He comes out already dressed. He’s wearing a tight-knit forest green sweater with a white button-up under, the collar of it peeking out from the v-neck of his sweater. Merlin, he’s wearing jeans. Jeans. I’ve never seen him wear jeans before. I can definitely say that I appreciate the view. He doesn’t even bother looking at me while he pulls on his coat and boots. Then he’s out the door leaving me alone once again. 

Not long after, Penny knocks at my door and I’m still lying on the bed. Still thinking about Baz and his gorgeous-looking self. 

“It’s open!” I call out. 

She enters and sees me, a sigh escapes her mouth. 

“Oh Si... “ she says, sitting next to me.

I let my gaze fall on her. Why is she using that tone with me? It’s the one she always uses when she’s pitying me or trying to comfort me. Merlin, am I that obvious in my pining? 

“Is it because of Agatha that you’re here lying like this?” she questions, sympathy gracing her features.

What? I haven’t thought of the breakup in a while, more specifically since the day it happened. 

“What? No?” I tell her, rising up to a seated position.

“Don’t lie to me. It must be hard for you to see her go away without you.” 

She places a hand on my shoulder and flashes me a small smile. 

“I’m not lying to you. I would never disrespect our no-secrets rule.” I respond.

That’s not entirely true, I am after all currently lying to her. To be fair, it’s not full-on lying. It’s more like… omitting the truth. I should feel bad but… it’s kind of embarrassing to admit you have fallen madly in love with your arch-nemesis. I’m sure she’d understand if she knew. 

“It’s okay, Simon. I get it. Instead of fretting any longer about this let’s go have fun at the fair, okay?” she says while getting up and walking towards the door.

Right. The fair. I had forgotten. That bloody bastard is always clouding my thoughts. I can’t ever think straight when he’s near me or… when he’s breathing which is literally always. He reduces me to a blob of emotions. 

I get up and follow her out, taking my coat and scarf with me. 

*******

We arrive at the fair, Agatha is waiting for us at the entrance and we wave her over. Every year, the fair looks like a fairytale come true with the soft lights glinting all around and the scent of sweets wafting in the air. Cheers erupt somewhere off in the distance and I smile to myself. I must admit, this has got to be my favourite Watford event. It’s a place where I can just be a kid for a little bit, forget about the war looming over me like a guillotine ready to chop off my head. I can respire in the joy surrounding me and ignore my troubles. I know it’s selfish but sue me. I think I’m entitled to having fun just this once. 

“You coming Si?” Penny calls out. 

I nod and promptly follow her deep into the heart of the fair. 

**Baz**

I lied to Snow. I came here alone, I needed to clear my head. I’m not much of a sociable person and I very much value my time spent alone. Plus, if I had dragged Dev and Niall with me all they would have done is talk about girls and I really didn’t feel like putting up my straight™ persona. Christmas is a time of honesty, it’s a Pitch tradition. My mother always told me that the best time to lay yourself bare was during the holidays. People tend to get softer around warm drinks and good food; to take advantage of that gives you a better fighting chance.

**Simon**

As it turns out, I’m not very good at following people. I lost Penny and Agatha about an hour ago and now I’m left wandering the place. I guess this gives me the time to just be, relax a little bit to not pretend anymore that any harboured feelings towards Baz are anything but hate. I suddenly hear shrill laughter coming from up ahead which causes me to snap my head towards the sound. I kind of feel like this is the universe’s way of telling me to go fuck myself because, of course, as soon as I think about him he shows up. 

There he is, laughter still echoing behind him.

Standing there, smug as he always is. The snow falling down is framing his figure like an angelic halo. Dark hair a stark contrast to his paper pale skin. He’s alone, maybe his friends ditched him too. I’m absolutely smitten, it’s kind of disgusting. He isn’t facing me which gives me the opportunity to take a good look at his profile, aristocratic nose and all. As if feeling my gaze on him, he turns to lock his gaze with mine. The accuracy of it terrifies me out of my stupor and my breath catches in my throat.

**Baz**

I can see the idiot staring, mouth agape, from the corner of my eye. He’s not as subtle as he thinks he is. I wish he would just stop, get those ordinary blue eyes off of me. I want him so much it pains me just to feel his lingering gaze. Out of spite, I turn to face him perhaps it’ll be enough to embarrass him away. Nothing could’ve prepared me to how bloody otherworldly he looks like right now. He’s an angel. I think I’ve managed to surprise myself. I can’t look away. I feel the cogs in mind turn, and it’s certainly not in my favour. 

**Simon**

His eyes have a soft glow to them, steely and poignant. I’m anchored to my spot. 

**Baz**

Why is he still staring at me like that? It sends shivers down my spine, warming me right down to my very core. What is it with me growing weaker in cold weather? 

**Simon**

Taken by a sudden burst of brash courage, I take a step forward and he seems to momentarily frighten, taking a step backwards. 

**Baz**

What is he doing? The git is going to give me heart failure. This feels so odd, like this moment stepped right out of one of my dreams. Reality has never felt so fake. The way he’s approaching me makes me feel as if the tables have been turned. I’m out-of-character, like he’s the predator here, not me. It resonates through me clear as day, right in this moment, hope screams and tears its way out of me and encapsulates me in its haze. What I’m seeing in front of me it’s like looking in a mirror. I’ve communed with that look many times before. Every day, like clockwork, it makes itself a home on my own face.

**Simon**

“Baz.” I say, voice low.

And obligingly, this time he heeds to my call and comes to me. 

**Baz**

I let myself crash into him. All my being poured into a one syllable word.

“Snow.” I sneer, but we both know there’s more to it. 

“Baz.” he answers, our eyes still haven’t left each other. 

“I’ve noticed your friends have left you.” 

“So have yours.” he responds. 

This awfully feels like flirting. 

I shouldn’t but I can’t help myself anymore. One look is all it took to make my walls crumble, now dust on the ground. 

“Well, it was nice, or rather not nice seeing you. I’m off to enjoy the fair.” I say, waiting a beat before adding more quietly, “You can stick around if you want. Not that I want you around me, Merlin knows how insufferable you are.”

He grins at me, eyes wrinkled at the corners. I think it’s the brightest I’ve seen him smile and it’s directed at me. I did that. 

I’m going to burst into flames.

I smile back, albeit smaller than his. How can someone deny him when he’s looking at you like that. His joy is contagious and sickly sweet in all the ways that I am not. 

He laces his arm with mine and I freeze. 

“Come on, I’m famished. Let’s get some hot chocolate.” he says, tugging me towards the food stands.

I let myself follow him, dazed and warm. We come up to the stand. He orders for the both of us and all I can do is stare uselessly at him. 

“Here. Caramel flavoured with extra whipped cream.” he says while handing me the beverage. It’s the same order I get every year at the fair and I don’t know how I feel about it. Did he somehow know and retain the information or was it simply a coincidence?

“I saw you in fifth year getting it. Hope you still like it.” 

Ah. Well that answers my questions and promptly sends butterflies into waltz in my stomach. I swallow my pride and unlink our arms, letting my hand trail towards his. I take it into mine. He smiles and laces our finger together. 

“Thank you, Simon.” 

**Simon**

He called me Simon. I can feel a blush crawling it up my neck and onto my cheeks. I coyly look to the floor, avoiding his gaze. He’s never been this vulnerable with me, I don’t know what changed between us in the past hour but I certainly don’t object to it. From the corner of my eye I see him glance at his watch. He hums as if confirming something. I turn my head in interest. 

“They’re about to light up the christmas tree.” he affirms.

“Do you-” “Would you want-” we both say at the same time.

I chuckle nervously and so does he. Suddenly, he’s smirking. I know he’s about to say some smartass comment.

“Let’s go before your slow ass makes us miss it.” he says, a bit lamely. 

I love him all the more for it. It’s adorable how he’s trying to make it seem like nothing has changed between us, how he’s still trying to keep the “Pretentious Brat” persona when he just took my hand and propositioned to go watch a christmas tree.

“Yeah, yeah, lead the way you dork.” 

He squeezes my hand once and tugs on my arm, steering me towards where we have to go. I feel myself being sucked into him. His pull on my arm is eerily correlating with the pull I’m currently feeling in accordance to him. 

I might burn as bright as the sun but he’s my moon ever gray and ethereal. I’m contempt in this moment and I know I can finally eclipse all my doubts, all my fears, for a little longer today.   
He’s not the enemy. He never was. Merlin, he’s just a boy. An incredibly frustrating boy but a boy nonetheless. 

*******

**Baz**

Lying on my bed I recall the previous events. How utterly unreal they felt like. How unbelievable they still feel like. It’s like a shift occurred in the universe. Two sides of a war colliding softly against each other. 

We watched the Christmas tree light up. Warm magic filled the air as the colourful lights lit row by row. People cheered around us and I could bask in the comfort of knowing that here no one would notice us. The number of people present couldn’t possibly break the little bubble we’d formed together. The main attraction was the towering pine tree before us. Not what Simon and Basilton, sworn enemies, were doing. He was bloody gorgeous and he kept stealing glances at me. I don’t know what divinity is to blame for this odd development in our relationship but I am infinitely grateful for them.

When the light show came to an end, we both decided to retire for the night. Never once detaching our hands. On our way back, in true fashion to myself I started shivering and he handed me his scarf. Of course I refused at first but he coerced me into taking it. I did made a point to show how begrudged I was about accepting the offer. All fake of course but he doesn’t have to know that. I’d take a lone sock from him if he offered. I’ll accept whatever I can from him. It’s enough and it’ll always be.

I don’t know how I’m supposed to fall asleep. Hearing him breathe a couple feet away from me. I can feel the vibrations of his steady heartbeat from here too. I’m going to go mad during the night. I turn to face the other side and try to fall asleep.


	4. A Little Less Chill

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> first kisses and a little more, brace yourself for smut (kind of)...

**Baz**

“Baz, you awake?”

“No.”

“I can’t sleep.”

“That sounds like a you-problem and not a me-problem.”

He calls my name softly. The subtle wind of a whisper. If it weren’t for my enhanced hearing I wouldn’t have heard it. 

“What?” I question.

“I- Do you- uhm...”

“Out with it, Snow” I say with none of the usual venom behind it.

“Can we sleep together tonight? I mean uh not, not like y’know together together. As in-“

Warmth floods through me in a steady flow. I feel hot at the thought of us lying besides each other.   
I’m living a charmed life.

I have to cut him off before he knots his own tongue with his babbling.

“Yes.” I hear myself say.

“Really?”

“You heard me.”

“Okay.” he sounds excited at the prospect. It makes my heart flutter. 

I hear him get up with a small grunt. His feet patter about in the dark until he reaches the edge of my bed. His hand pats the empty space next to me. 

“Go on, Snow. Some of us want to sleep before spring arrives.”

He huffs and settles down next to me. There’s a couple inches between our shoulders. I don’t ponder about it much because soon enough, Simon’s head has turned towards me. He’s staring the profile of my face down. As if he’s mulling things over in his mind. I don’t think he knows I can see him and Merlin, I’m so afraid of looking at him head on. I wish I didn’t have this stupid night vision. He’s so beautiful. I’ve got no clue how I’ll survive the night. Bloody hell. Snow. In my bed. On a snowy night, this is a bloody dream no way this is true.

“Baz?” he says with such reverence, as if the word is gold to him. 

I’m going to choke to death.   
This is pathetic, he’s probably just tired, sated from the hot chocolate we had earlier. Still can’t believe that one too, he _bought me_ a drink, like a doting boyfriend would. 

Growing impatient, he lightly touches my bare arm with the tip of his fingers and repeats my name with more urgency this time.

“What again?” I snap, as much as it pains me. I’ve gone bloody soft. 

“Do you want to watch Fantasia with me?” 

Well that’s not what I was expecting. Quite frankly I have no clue what I was expecting but it certainly wasn’t this?   
Taking my silence as a refusal he goes on.

“I mean, since we’re obviously not falling asleep anytime soon. I mean I know I’m not, maybe it’s not the case for you but yeah... I was thinking we could knock two birds with one stone and uh, do our assignment. Y’know so we’re free to do what we please for the rest of the break. It’s okay if you don’t want to though...”

I can’t help it. The word slips out of my mouth before I can hold it back.

“Simon.”

He immediately shuts up.  
I finally turn my head to look at him.

“Go get my computer, it’s on my desk.”

He scrambles up, almost falling off the bed and rushes to my desk. Triumphantly, he sits back down next to me, back propped on the headboard, laptop in hand. I sit up to mirror his position.

“Why Fantasia? Out of all the movies with magicians in them, why this one specifically?” I ask him, genuinely curious.

He takes a deep breath in. I think he’s debating whether to tell me or not. I don’t blame him, I usually scoff at him when he tries being all… mushy and genuine with me. The fact that he’s even considering telling me astonishes me. I’m feeling hopeful again for the second time since I’ve been bit. Maybe I’m not as delusional as I thought I was and things are actually shifting between us? In all cases, I’ll take anything he offers. A smile there, a touch there. It’s all wistful thinking, even though I assume we’ve gone softer on each other it doesn’t mean I’ll get to kiss those freckles of his, or most importantly, those plush and inviting lips of his. This could mean the start of an unlikely friendship but certainly no more. I know that of course. Whatever I thought I saw on his face at the fair was simply me projecting my own feelings because I’m that desperate. 

**Simon**

“In one of the foster homes I lived in, the grandmother gave me a Walkman with the soundtrack cassette of Fantasia. I used to listen to it every moment I could. I was entranced by the magical sounds of it. All classical and grand. It was a big contrast to the life I was currently living. I could lose myself when real life got a little too heavy.” I tell him

“You didn’t have it with you when you first came to Watford. You only had that red ball.” he says softly, shifting closer to me. Our shoulder are pressed together. 

I don’t look at him. I’m extremely vulnerable right now and I don’t think I’d be able to really look at him. 

“The day I left for Watford, some of the older boys starting toying around with it. Inevitably they broke it. Out of jealousy I think, I was going to some posh boarding school while they remained in that cold gray prison.” I explain.

“I’m sorry.” he takes my hand in his, stroking the top of it with his other hand. This makes me look at him. He’s already staring at me.

“I can’t imagine how it must feel like to lose the most important thing you own. Especially on such a trying day. I’m not going to lie, I’ve lived a privileged life. I don’t understand, I can’t understand what you go through, what you went through. I can only offer you my endless support.” he says, voice gentle and earnest.

“But we hate each other. You hate me.” it comes out more as a question than a fact. 

“I don’t hate you, Simon. I never have.” 

“Me neither. I don’t, I don’t think I’ve ever truly hated you. Beyond all the expected rivalry, you’ve never given me an actual reason to hate you.” I tell him, because it’s the truth and it’s what he deserves. 

He closes his eyes and squeezes my hand. 

“Let’s just start the movie, Snow.” he clears his throat. I think I’ve broken him. I don’t blame him, I feel incredibly apprehensive about all of this.   
All of this changes everything but also changes nothing. These feeling, they’ve always been there. Now I know that. 

“Okay, Baz.” I say as I reach with my free hand for the discarded laptop that lies at the end of the bed. 

I type “Fantasia” in the Netflix search bar and click on the image that pops up. All without detaching my hand from his. It’s cold but it’s a nice contrast to my usually overheating skin. 

The movie starts as I place the computer on our joined thighs in front of us. There’s no space anymore between us. Physically and I’d like to think mentally too. 

As the story drones on and on, and the colourful animation bounces to life on the screen before us. I feel his head coming to hesitantly rest on my shoulder. I let my cheek rest on the top of his head, a silent agreement. He detaches his hand from mine and starts running it up and down my thigh. It sets my body alight. 

I let my hand trail up his chest to rest on his cheek. He removes his head from my shoulder. I let myself pull away to be able to see him better. His face is glowing with the red hues of the movie. Sometimes flicking to orange, sometimes to yellow. He’s gorgeous.   
His hand comes to rest on my cheek. 

I need to kiss him.

After a beat, I finally close the gap between us. The classical tones of the music playing in the background. My lips pressed to his. The kiss is urgent and unforgiving. Our tongues entwining together, I let my hand wander to his hair. Twisting and gently pulling on the soft strands. It’s as silky as I imagined it to be.  
He sighs into the kiss before he pulls away, gasping for air. My breaths come out ragged and rapid. 

His lips are reddened and the sight of them sends heat pooling down in my stomach.   
This time he collides with me, pulling me in by the back of my head. His other hand slipping under my shirt, caressing the soft skin there.   
I moan into the kiss and that only makes him press into me further. I detach my lips from his, trailing kisses down his jaw, down his neck. He whimpers when I start sucking, leaving faint bruises in my wake. He tries pulling me even closer, gripping hard at my curls when I reach his collarbones. 

“Simon.” he gasps my name. I travel back up and bite my name out of his mouth with a searing kiss.

I’ve never felt this strongly before, kissing Agatha was nothing like this. The way he says my name makes me feel things I don’t think I have the words to describe. 

Without disconnecting our mouths, I straddle him. The computer sliding off of us. We both moan at the sudden contact of our groins. He brings his hands to rest on my thighs, stroking them and it’s driving me mad. I start pushing, unintentionally grinding down on him. 

“Simon.” he says breathlessly between kisses. 

“Simon.” he repeats, bringing his hands to my chest.

“What?” I say, annoyed at the sudden break.

“I think we’re going a bit too fast.” he says. “We should take our time.”

“Baz, we’ve had almost 8 years of foreplay, I think we’re past taking our time.” I say, earning a smile from him.

“You really want this?” he says, voice small.

“Absolutely. Now take off your shirt before I rip it off.” 

He obliges and his shirt goes flying, so does mine. We reattach, the contact of skin to skin makes me crave more. He’s everywhere and filling all of my senses. I’m drowning in him. His hands cataloguing my whole body. His mouth is now peppering kisses on specific spots of my body, he must be kissing my freckles. It’s incredibly endearing.   
He starts sucking bruises onto my neck, I tilt my head back, hitting the headboard with the force of it. I arch my back, pressing into him. We start grinding, the rhythm of it is messy and ruthless but it feels incredible. Sparks of electricity riding up my skin, sending waves of goosebumps up my spine. 

I feel his hardened lengths on mine and I’ve never been more turned on. I’m panting into his mouth. I gasp his name. He ruts against me harder. The tension of it starts to become unbearable as our rhythm becomes erratic. I’m going to burst, I’m— He tenses and stops moving, trying to pull away from his position under me. I grip his shoulders trying to keep him near me. He turns his head away. 

“What’s wrong?” I ask him, concerned and out of breath, brain still foggy with my arousal.

“I, I don’t want to hurt you.” he says and it comes out sounding like his mouth is full.

Oh.   
I gingerly cup his jaw in my hands, turning his head towards me. His pupils are still blown, he looks wrecked with his disheveled hair and bruised skin. Merlin, he’s beautiful. I caress the side of his face.

“Smile for me.” I tell him.

“What?”

“Do it.”

“No. I’m a monster, Snow. I’m repulsing” he says, covering his mouth. 

I push his hand away, entwining it with mine. 

“You’re stunning. You know that right?”

I see a smile fighting its way onto his lips.

“I love you, fangs included.”

His face breaks out into an ear splitting grin. Fangs on full display. It’s the hottest thing ever. I kiss him and he laughs against my lips. 

“I love you to infinity, Simon Snow. You’ve always been my sun. I’m just a lonely moon orbiting in your solar system.”

“Well lucky you, I’ve always favoured the moon.”

He tackles me onto my back smothering me with kisses, over my eyelids, on my forehead, my cheeks, the corners of my lips. 

The kiss soon becomes heated again and we lose ourselves into the fires of our desire. Shortly after the climax of our night, we fall asleep into each other’s arms. Our hearts beating as one.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Only 1 chapter left fellas!!!!!


	5. Broken Illusion

**Baz**

We wake up with our limbs entangled, his warm skin heating up my cold body. The only sound in the space we’re sharing is the quiet noise of his rhythmic breathing. His breaths are gracing the planes of my neck sending shivers waltzing across my skin. I don’t want to disturb him he seems so at peace in his slumber. It would be a shame if I woke him up. He might also have second doubts, waking up in my arms might make him see that he deserves so much more than a pasty, brooding vampire. 

I close my eyes, trying to will my insecurities away. My hand absentmindedly tracing abstract patterns on the skin of his back. I take deep breaths, trying to steady myself. Simon smells like home. More than the Hampshire estate ever did.

He slowly starts stirring nuzzling his face into the side of my neck. He sighs contently. 

“Baz.” he breathes out

My heart somersaults in its cage.

“Yes, love? I answer, cursing the shake in my voice.

“You know you’re stuck with me forever now, right?” 

“I wouldn’t have it any other way.” 

I feel him smiling against my skin. His arms wrapping around me encasing me in a tight hug.   
I’ve never felt as warm. 

Much to my chagrin, he lets go, pulling himself upright in order to properly look at me.

“Basilton Pitch, would you mind taking me as your terrible, terrible boyfriend.”

I tackle him, all self-control thrown out the window peppering his face with feather light kisses.

He giggles beneath me, fondness apparent on his features.

“I absolutely would, you bloody nightmare.”

***

We spend the rest of our Christmas break alternating between snogging and cuddling. At some point, I’m pretty sure neither of us could tell what limbs were our own.   
We had to make up for all the missed time we spent “hating” each other instead of kissing. 

The break gave us the opportunity to get to really know the other. Beyond any pretense we might have falsely held towards one another. I had thought I couldn’t be any more in love. I was certainly proven wrong. 

***

**Simon**

I’m peacefully munching on a cherry scone in our dorm when Baz comes in through the door, carrying another stack of scones. He throws me a million dollar smile when his eyes lock with mine. Although, his features quickly school themselves into somewhat of a frown. 

“Our classmates will start coming back tomorrow...” Baz says thoughtfully.

The break ends in two days, it’s only natural for the students to be coming back to Watford. I don’t know why his tone of voice is so grave. It makes it seem as if he’s just announced his nan has passed through the other side of the veil. 

“Yeah.”

He huffs in frustration running a hand through his long luscious hair. He starts pacing in front of our two beds. Worry starts to claw at my stomach making me put my scone down.

“What’s wrong, love?” I ask him.

He stops moving, his back turned towards me. He’s pointedly not looking at me.

“I understand, I understand if you want to stop this thing between us.”

What is he on about, the stupid git?

“I mean, I get it if you don’t want to be seen with me. Your supposed arch nemesis. Really, it’s no problem. I delusioned myself into thinking you feel as intensely for me as I do for you. You’re bloody brilliant, Simon. I’m just a worthl—“

“Don’t you dare finish that sentence, Basil.”

I get up and walk in front of him cradling his face with my hands. He takes in a shaky breath. I caress his cheek with my thumb, gingerly tracing the sharp cheekbone that lies there. 

“I’m obsessed with you. Always have been but now I finally understand in what way.” I tell him, voice low and gentle.

He exhales, letting out a wet laugh. His eyes are teary, melancholic gray. 

“Okay, okay. I’m sorry.” 

“There’s nothing to be sorry for.” I say, bringing my free hand to the back of his head, resting our foreheads together. “I’ll forever love you unapologetically, as long as you’ll do the same for me.”

“But what about what people think? Don’t you care about that?” he says, voice small. 

It’s breaking my heart. I’m so used to a confident and cocky Baz, the sudden shift of character makes me incredibly sad. He shouldn’t let his insecurities get the best of him nor ruin what’s good in his life. He deserves the world.

“Let them think whatever they want, I don’t care neither should you. The only thing that should matter is our own happiness. I can safely say that what we have is one of the things that brings me the most joy in this world.”

He kisses me.   
A silent promise held between our lips. 

***

The next morning, we enter the great hall together. Baz trailing close behind me. We receive a couple odd looks from the students that have already arrived. Apart from that it’s pretty tame.

To my surprise, I spot Penny sitting at our usual table. She usually comes in at the last minute, trying to squeeze every ounce of family time she can get out of the Christmas break. 

I turn to look at Baz, tilting my head towards the table. He nods and I try to give him a reassuring smile. The corners of his mouth upturns slightly, something I would’ve missed if I hadn’t spent the last 2 weeks lovingly gazing at him. 

We make our way to the table sitting down next to one another in front of Penny. She seems a bit shocked but there’s some underlying smugness in that smile of hers that I can’t say I’m particularly fond of. 

“Bunce.” Baz says in his usual stoic voice, nodding towards her.

“Pitch.” she answers, nodding in acknowledgment.

She immediately turns to face me.

“Had a nice break, Simon?” she says, with a rapidly forming Cheshire Cat grin. 

“I did, it was pleasant.” I tell her trying to will away the blush crawling up my neck. 

“Glad to hear that.” her grin widens, as humanly impossible as it seems.

“How about you—“ I begin saying but quickly cut myself off by the startle accompanying the feeling of Baz’s hand settling on my thigh.

He’s trailing his hand up and down. I turn to stare at him, simply because I can’t help myself. He’s already staring and smirking. The bastard. My eyes immediately trail down to stare at his plush and inviting lips. He licks them. I’d kiss him then and there if it weren’t for the students milling around us.

I hear Penny clear her throat and I snap out of my hypnotized daze. 

“Uh…I-“ I can't seem to remember what I was saying before. 

“Cat’s got your tongue, Snow?” Baz says casually, as if he’s not currently practically fondling me under the table.

I kiss him to shut his insufferable arse but also because I really wanted to kiss him. He knows better than to tease me, he should know I’ve got horrible impulse control. He tenses but immediately melts when I reach up to run a hand through his hair. 

“Wow, I thought you guys would’ve tried being more discreet about it. Guess I was wrong.”  
Penny snickers. 

I break away from him. He looks like a proper mess. Hair ruffled and lips cherry red. I now notice the bruise I left on his neck last night. Oops.

“I was tired of pretending.” I tell her.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Lo and behold, the last chapter to “Cold Dead Heart”.  
> I’m kind of proud of myself for finishing it since it is my first ever fanfic. I know it’s not the greatest but thank you guys for your kind comments and kudos. It really gave me the motivation I needed to pursue this fic’s completion. 
> 
> xxx
> 
> I look forward to writing more.


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